Friday, March 02, 2007

~big boobs~

now that i've gotten your attention...
for those of you that don't have big boobs (or any at all), you'll never quite understand what the opposite end of the spectrum is like. if you prefer to live in a fairy tale world wherein large breasts are your absolute fantasy, you should stop reading now.
let me break it down.
at the end of the day, large boobs have been basting in their own juices. sweat collects on the underside and middle of the enormous rack. removing the bra can give a few sensations--one, a complete sense of relief. two, that gravity is no joke. three, what's that smell?
freeing the breasts from hours upon hours of torturuos confinement shouldn't be such a pain in the back. that's right-- i haven't even mentioned the severe back pain yet. lest i not forget the semi-permanent indentations on the shoulders from the bra strap, and the neck pain that moves upwards to give you a giant headache.
still think huge boobs are hot? how about you try strapping a back pack to your chest. load the bag with approximately 10 pounds of sand. carry that back pack around all day. i'll bet you find your chest is sweaty, and smells like a fucken jar of vitamins. your low back is going to feel like someone punched you a few times, right before they karate-chopped your shoulders, and you may have a headache.
imagine this is your every day.
what if the norm was for partners to pressure their men to go ahead and get the testicle implants that will make their balls weigh 5 times as much, and may cause cancer due to "leakage". i doubt you'd think balls the size of dump trucks that sag to the kneecaps are very hot.
having huge breasts also makes it very ridiculous to run. like sports? good luck. you're also more likely have cancer go undetected, due to so much breast tissue. big breasts are not your friend!
they're not my friend either, and that's why i am having surgery. again. but this time i am having them taken down as far as possible, and still have the procedure covered by my insurance.
thank jeebus for small (boobs) and favors.
i plan on scrawling a note to my surgeon on my belly the morning of surgery. the sharpie pen note will read:
a cup (f)or bust!